Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Dennis Rodman had longer honeymoons

Bulls' bad boy Dennis Rodman.
I was a little surprised to learn this week that the Abbott government has been in power for 100 days.
I thought it had been longer, like a thousand years.
To say that the honeymoon has been short is to understate matters, non-existant is perhaps a better way to put it.
Due mostly to us, the Australian voters, not actually voting Abbott in, rather just wanting to ensure that Rudd was definitely out.
Which reminded me of Dennis Rodman, he had a, to say the least, wild personal life, including a marriage to Carmen Electra that had a honeymoon period of hours rather than days.
Dennis Rodman was a member of the eternally famous Chicago Bulls team containing Michael Jordan, and latterly, Australian Luke Longley.
Rodman was rated as the greatest defensive forward ever to play the game, with rebounding, whatever that is, his main skill.
However, like many he was emotionally flawed, and the always-on, high-pressure, goldfish bowl life of an NBA star was simply too much for him.
To say he was an alcoholic is an understatement, Rodman needed a forklift to get his daily supplies in.
Rodman with second
wife Carmen Electra.
His first marriage was to a woman named Annie and that lasted at least two years (sources are unclear) and this was to prove a record for the man.
Following his divorce from her in the early nineties he then went on to marry actress Carmen Electra, and this lasted less time than it took the priest to find a pen to sign the register.
The official time frame was six months, but it's thought they were actually together as man and wife for less than a week.
He then went through a period of rehab and various other things to make money, wrestling, starring in action films with Jean-Claude Van Damme for instance, but they all came to nought and he would up on a reality TV show for celebrities in rehab.
This seemed to work and he managed to maintain sobriety for a sustained period, however it was a all a con, manufactured by the producers of the show and Rodman got back on the turps in a big way and was ejected from a restaurant for "unruly" behaviour the same night the TV show aired.
Likewise in the NBA, was Earvin "Magic" Johnson.
One of the greatest players of all, but partial to the ladies, and frankly addicted to groupies.
Magic (No 32) in action
against the Boston Celtics.
By the time he was tested and it was discovered he was HIV+, in 1991, he was thought to have had sex with over ten thousand women, over a ten year period, an average of three a night.
However, Magic did turn things around and became an activist for HIV/AIDS and was happy to tell his story to other young athletes in the hope of preventing them falling the same way, and as Dennis Rodman, crazed loon though he is, would be a better PM than Tony Abbott, likewise I would like to say that Magic would be a better health administrator than this man (below).
Who is he?
The ultimate faceless man, Peter
Dutton, you're health is in his hands.
Exactly, it's the federal health minister, that some one apparently voted for, Peter Dutton.
I scanned the newsprint but he has hardly rated a mention since his ascension to his lofty perch, which, when I think about it, is probably a good thing as it means he hasn't been doing anything.
Any member of the current government who does nothing is doing the right thing by Australia, less is definitely more.
Which then brings us to the person that puts the rest of the people on this page of loons in the shade, Julie Bishop, the foreign minister.
As you can see in the picture, she radiates madness like an incandescent light bulb, even placing the picture made me shudder.
So who would be better than her as foreign minister?
Julie Bishop, plutonium
is safer to be around.
Well the obvious answer is just about anyone, but the person I would most like to see take over is Charlie Sheen, he at least knows more about underage Asian women than Julie Bishop does.
Since she had taken over we have been in the position of having to frantically extricate ourselves from one damn foreign affair mess after another.
First there was the business with China.
China escalated the tensions over some lifeless rocks in the ocean between China and Japan, by declaring it a no fly zone.
Things could have been safely left to those Asian superpowers to argue about, but then Julie Bishop decided to stick her oar in and pissed off both China and Japan, a diplomatic tour de force if ever there was one.
Here's a tip Julie, watch 'Yes, Minister', if you had you would know that the best thing a Foreign Affairs Minister can do is say nothing for as long as possible.
I know that and I'm just a micro-blogger who mows lawns for a living, so why don't you?
Then there was the business of tapping the phones of the the Indonesian PM and his family, now to be fair that was inherited from the previous Labor government, but when the scat hit the revolving air conditioner I was in dread knowing that we had not just Julie Bishop, but Tony Abbott trying to sort it out.
As a tradie once said when I offered to help on an irrigation job back in the city, "Yeah, that would be good, then we'll have two blokes that don't know what they are doing."
That mess goes on, and I can't help feeling that things will only get sorted out when Both Julie and Tony stop trying to fix it.
And then there is the business with East Timor.
It's Bronwyn Bishop.
Now this was inherited from a previous government, the Howard government, so Tony and Julie have to cop this one on the chin.
Turns out that while Australia was negotiating with nascent sovereign nation East Timor over oil and gas in the Timor Sea, we were bugging their phones to learn their negotiating position before going into formal talks.
So it looks like we Australians have been in the position of bullying a tiny emerging nation to save a few pennies on oil and gas.
And that doesn't make me proud I can tell you.
However despite all of these nutjobs already on this page, the worst is here at the finish.
Her picture popped up when I went o my favourite search engine and typed in 'bishop foreign minister' and got two nutjobs for the price of one.
It's Bronwyn Bishop and she is Speaker of the house.
If ever there was someone whose ob I wished had an opposite title, it's her, can we create a new role, non-Speaker?
If so I would nominate Bronny for it.
A world in which Dennis Rodman is PM, Julie Bishop shuts up, Magic Johnson takes over the health portfolio and Bronwyn Bishop is a non-speaker is one I'd like to live in.

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